Every time you meet a new man you have to go through the whole cycle again: Is he interested in me or does he want to hook up? This is a tough question and a situation all single women must cope with.
As a dating coach for women, I’m here to help you figure this out quickly. Knowing if a man is serious about you takes time. You need to get to know him, observe his behavior, and how he treats you over weeks (or months). Good men make long-term relationship decisions more slowly than women do and take time to reveal their true intentions.
Here are seven odd behaviors that are a sign a guy is using you:
1. He pours on the romance
Be suspicious of the man who turns on the romance like a faucet. Resisting his flood of charm is no easy task, but slowing things down is the only way to avoid hopping into your bed with this guy. Research from The Institute for Family Studies found that the longer a man waits to be intimate, the better relationship you’ll have.
He tells you from the moment you meet him that he knows you are the woman for him. If you find yourself thinking, “How does he know I’m the one when he doesn’t even know me?” or “This feels too good true” then it probably is. Sorry to say you can’t rush love and don’t confuse it for lust.
2. He negs you
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When I was dating, I met a man who tried the tactic of negging on our first date. He asked about my family heritage and background and then used it against me. He said, “Irish women are known to be cold. Do you think that’s true?” Then he held my hand and touched my shoulder.
Don’t fall for this move wanting to prove “women like you” are not the frigid type. You have nothing to prove! Feel free to end the date early with any excuse to cut short a cad of this nature. Move on to find better quality men.
3. He wants to watch a movie at your place
This is a classic move for the casual guy who just wants one thing. He’s thinking while on the couch watching the movie, you’ll start to snuggle. Then one thing will lead to another and you’ll end up in the bedroom. This is exactly why I tell my clients to keep the first several dates outside the home. Once inside, it’s hard to resist the temptation.
4. He offers to cook you dinner at his place
This is a twist on the “pizza and a movie” with a serving of charm. You might think, “How sweet he wants to cook dinner for me. So romantic!” Yes, it is, and he’s banking on you being his dessert. After a nice meal and a few glasses of wine, you’ll be more likely to go for it when he makes a pass.
5. He tells woeful tales about how his ex neglected him
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Some men play the sympathy card and appeal to your strong desire to help. He’ll tell you how his wife denied him and was emotionally and intimately cold. He’ll say it was “so hard” to deal with that he went to therapy. The whole time he’ll look deeply into your eyes, hoping you want to make him feel better.
Just remember, any man who talks this much about his ex is not relationship-ready or emotionally available. Don’t fall for this nonsense! It’s not your job to make it up to him, so steer clear.
6. He asks if you want to “hang out”
A man who wants a no-strings-attached, casual relationship might ask you to hang out. This leaves you wondering if getting together is even a date. Hanging out happens at someone’s home and is similar to “pizza and a movie” but less defined. Yet, the result is the same.
Some men will try to hang out at your house, never taking you on a real date but expecting open access to intimacy. Set your expectations on several formal dates (outside the home) before you start hanging out with a man.
How long does it typically take people before they go all the way? One YouGov poll found that 21% of women prefer to wait before they’re in love with someone, 28% of men saying on the first date.
7. He only calls late at night
He calls around 9 PM or later and asks what you’re doing, then wants to know if he can come over. This is the classic “booty call.” Anytime you get a late-night call asking what you’re doing, that’s a man fishing for an invitation. He wants you to invite him into your home and then into your bed.
Don’t think for one minute he suddenly sees you as “the one.” Tell him it’s too late and you need your rest, then delete his number from your phone. Now that you know how to tell if he’s using you for intimacy without building a relationship first, you’ll be able to spot the men who aren’t serious much faster.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She’s been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.
