The signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you can be worrisome, not only because a lack of intimacy can cause distance to creep in but also because it can indicate that she is beginning to lose interest in the relationship. For women, the emotional and physical aspects of a romantic connection are closely tied together. One cannot exist without the other.
When you see signs of sexual attraction from your girlfriend, it’s not only her physical desire that is manifesting but also her emotional connection to you. On the flip side, when these signs disappear or don’t exist to begin with, you can be sure there is trouble in paradise. But what do these signs look like? If your girlfriend turns down your advances a few times, does it mean sexual attraction is gone? What about if her sexual appetite doesn’t match yours?
Given that women’s bodies go through a hormonal ebb and flow month on month, changes in sexual desire and activity are not abnormal or even a cause for concern. However, when this lack of interest becomes persistent, you need to pay close attention. I’m here to help you identify when a lack of sex can be one of the signs your girlfriend is losing interest, backed by insights from some renowned sexologists and relationship experts.
15 Signs That Your Girlfriend Isn’t Sexually Attracted To You
I speak from experience when I say that signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you are a harbinger of troubled times in a relationship. I was that girlfriend once. The emotional exhaustion from being at the receiving end of constant fights, name-calling, suspicion, and my partner’s alcohol abuse, made me pull away, little by little. All the warm, fuzzy feelings I once felt for him were replaced with a whole lot of nothing.
As my feelings began to die down, so did my interest in being intimate with my partner. As I’ve said before, for women, it’s not sexual attraction vs romantic attraction. One fuels the other. That’s why if sex with girlfriend has been less than exciting of late, you must dig deeper into the issue. A good place to start would be paying attention to the signs intimacy is gone because your girlfriend isn’t attracted to you anymore:
1. Reduced sexual activity
If you’re having less and less sex with girlfriend, that should be your first clue that something is amiss. Sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Nikki Goldstein says, “A sudden drop in sexual activity, paired with a lack of communication about it, can signal that she’s no longer feeling that sexual connection with you.”
Now, every relationship goes through a few dry spells here and there. Busy schedules, underlying tensions or unresolved issues, and hormonal changes can be just some of the factors that may diminish your girlfriend’s desire for sex. Usually, these spells pass once the underlying issue is resolved. However, if reduced sexual activity becomes the norm, it could be one of the signs your girlfriend is losing interest.
2. Excuses to avoid intimacy
Relationship therapist and sex educator Dr. Laura Berman says, “When a woman loses sexual attraction, she may start avoiding physical intimacy, including things as simple as touching or kissing because it feels forced or uncomfortable.” At the same time, she may not be comfortable opening up about it to you, and as a result, she may frequently use excuses to avoid being intimate, such as:
- I’m too tired
- I’m too stressed
- I’m bust
- I don’t feel well
- I have an early morning tomorrow
- I need to sleep
3. She does not initiate sex
Toby, a marketing professional from Delaware, wrote to Bonobology, asking, “My girlfriend never makes a move on me. We have been together for over 6 months and during this time, she has never once initiated sex or expressed a desire to be intimate. The onus is entirely on me and it makes me wonder if she just plays along because she doesn’t want to turn me down. If so, why is it? Does my girlfriend love me or not? Am I reading too much into this situation?”
While a lot of women may have inhibitions about initiating sex, particularly at the beginning of a relationship, they do find subtle ways like flirting or using inviting body language to express their desire. A complete absence of interest in sex is a red flag.
“A key sign of waning sexual attraction is when your partner stops initiating sex or responds with indifference when you do. The desire to connect physically just isn’t there.”
—Dr. Ian Kerner, sex therapist
4. Frequently rejecting advances
Of course, there can be times when you want to be intimate and she doesn’t, and vice versa. And that’s perfectly natural for any relationship. However, if she rejects your advances 8 times out of 10, and when she does agree to be intimate, it feels like she’s doing you a favor, it’s one of the rather obvious signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you.
5. She avoids sharing a bed with you
When trouble began brewing in my past relationship, I became averse to the idea of staying over at my boyfriend’s place or letting him stay the night at mine. I began planning our dates in such a way that it became easier for me to say goodbye and go my way. Even when we did hang out at either of our places, I’d try my best to wriggle out of spending the night, using any excuse I could come up with
- “I left my laptop at home and I need it to finish a presentation”
- “I think I left a load of laundry in the machine. Can’t just let it sit there overnight”
- “I promised to housesit my friend’s dog”
If something similar has been going on in your relationship or even if your girlfriend avoids close contact with you in bed, it can be among the worrying signs of sexual attraction lacking in a relationship.
6. Disinterest in flirting
Signs of sexual attraction in a relationship extend far beyond the actual act of engaging in sexual intimacy. They can also be found in,
- Flirting
- Playful behavior
- Teasing and banter
When these go missing, it’s one of the surefire signs intimacy is gone from your relationship. If your girlfriend is reluctant to engage with you flirtatiously even in your private moments, you have every reason to be worried.
7. Closed body language
Most of the signs of sexual attraction between two people can be found in their body language. These include,
- Leaning in
- Prolonged eye contact
- Smiling
- Blushing
- Maintaining physical proximity
On the other hand, crossed arms, turning away, and maintaining a distance are signs that a person isn’t interested in being close or intimate with you. If you have noticed a shift in your girlfriend’s body language, especially during your private or intimate moments—for instance, if you lean in to kiss her, as opposed to leaning toward you, she pulls back—it is one of the classic signs your girlfriend is losing interest.
8. Avoiding eye contact during intimacy
Avoiding eye contact during intimacy is a sign that your girlfriend no longer enjoys these moments of closeness with you because she doesn’t feel a connection or her feelings for you are changing. Clinical psychologist Dr. Alexandra Soloman says, “A girlfriend who is no longer sexually attracted may express this through subtle cues, like avoiding eye contact during intimate moments or seeming detached during sex.” This can, in turn, leave you wondering, “Does my girlfriend love me?”
9. She no longer compliments you
One of the often-overlooked signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you is that she rarely compliments you on your appearance or expresses her appreciation through words of affirmation or physical gestures like kissing you because you look particularly nice or leaning in for a hug to feel those abs you’ve been working on.
“If she stops complimenting you or doesn’t seem to notice when you make an effort to look good, it might be a sign that her sexual attraction is fading.”
—Dr. Terri Orbuch, relationship coach
10. Emotionally distant
Circling back to the conversation about sexual attraction vs romantic attraction experience for women, emotional distance and lack of sexual attraction are often interlinked. Clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. David Schnarch explains, “Emotional distance often precedes a loss of sexual attraction. If your partner is emotionally withdrawing, it can be a significant indicator that sexual attraction is waning.”
11. Boredom during intimacy
“If your girlfriend seems disengaged during sex, or if the intimacy feels more like a routine than an exciting connection, it might indicate a lack of sexual attraction,” says sex therapist Dr. Holly Richmond. This sense of disengagement can make it seem like she is almost bored, possibly even rushing through it or waiting for it to be over.
Ray, a college graduate, says, “I have been in a steady relationship since the first year of college. However, ever since we graduated, something seems to have shifted in our dynamics. My girlfriend never makes a move on me anymore. Even when we do get intimate, she is a passive participant. I can’t shake off the feeling that she’s fallen out of love but just hasn’t found a way to tell me.”
12. She prefers to be on her own
When your girlfriend is no longer drawn to you, sexually and emotionally, you will invariably notice a marked departure in attitude toward you and the relationship. The girl who once yearned for your company and would not miss any opportunity to spend quality time with you suddenly starts preferring spending time alone or hanging out with friends.
13. Avoids physical touch
The lack of sexual attraction will manifest beyond the dynamics of your sex life. One such example is that she’d start avoiding physical touch of any kind, be it holding your hand, cuddling with you while watching a movie, or lovingly stroking your hair. Psychotherapist Dr. Tammy Nelson shares this view and says, “Women who are not sexually attracted to their partners might show disinterest in touch and avoid being close, both physically and emotionally.”
14. Indifferent to seductive gestures
Picture this: You’re in bed with your girlfriend or watching a movie on the couch, and you start moving your fingers on her body or kissing the nape of the neck, and there is just no response from her. No squirming, no soft moans, no goosebumps. She doesn’t even look in your direction or ask you what’s going on. You eventually stop what you’re doing, and can’t help but wonder, “Does my girlfriend love me anymore?”
Well, your fears are not unfounded. A lack of responsiveness toward seductive or playful gestures is perhaps among the peak signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you. There is definitely a deep, serious reason that has brought on this change in how she feels about you.
15. No interest in sexual exploration
Psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Shannon Chavez says, “When a woman is no longer sexually attracted to her partner, she may lose interest in engaging in or discussing sexual fantasies, exploring roleplaying ideas or trying new things in the bedroom.” So, if sex with girlfriend has been limited to run-of-the-mill positions and follows the same rhythm every time, it’s a pretty strong indicator that she is not sexually attracted to you.
How To Cope If Your Girlfriend Isn’t Sexually Attracted To You
All of these heartbreaking signs may leave you wondering how to be sexually attractive to your girlfriend again. I hate to break it to you, it won’t be easy, unless, of course, the reason behind her waning sexual attraction are turn-offs like poor personal hygiene or bad breath. That said, it’s not impossible either. If you approach the situation with the sensitivity it warrants, you can find a way to recover from this setback. Here are a few tips on how to cope if your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you:
1. Open communication
Start by having an honest conversation with your girlfriend. Approach the topic gently, focusing on understanding her feelings and the reasons behind the change in sexual attraction. Open communication can lead to a better understanding of each other’s needs and concerns.
2. Focus on emotional connection
Strengthen your emotional bond outside the bedroom. Sometimes, a lack of sexual attraction can stem from emotional disconnection. Spend quality time together, engage in deep conversations, and show appreciation for one another to rebuild intimacy.
3. Avoid placing blame
Resist the urge to blame yourself or your girlfriend. Sexual attraction can fluctuate due to various factors, including stress, health, or changes in the relationship. Blaming can create resentment and further strain the relationship.
4. Work on self-confidence
Focus on your self-esteem and confidence. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, whether it’s working out, pursuing hobbies, or achieving personal goals. A confident mindset can positively impact your relationship.
5. Seek professional help
Consider seeing a relationship or sex therapist together. A professional can help both of you explore underlying issues, improve communication, and find solutions to rekindle sexual attraction. If you’re looking for help, skilled and experienced counselors on Bonobology’s panel are here for you.
6. Be patient
Understand that rebuilding sexual attraction takes time. Avoid pressuring your girlfriend or setting unrealistic expectations. Patience and understanding can help create a supportive environment where attraction can naturally develop.
7. Evaluate the relationship
Reflect on your relationship as a whole. If the lack of sexual attraction is a long-term issue and significantly impacts your happiness, it may be necessary to consider whether the relationship is fulfilling your needs and if it’s worth continuing.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Why is my girlfriend not interested in me sexually?
Your girlfriend may not be interested in you sexually due to various reasons, including stress, emotional disconnection, or changes in her physical or mental health. Relationship dynamics, unresolved conflicts, or personal insecurities can also play a role. It’s essential to communicate openly and explore any underlying issues together, as her decreased sexual interest might not reflect her overall feelings for you but rather external or internal factors affecting her.
2. How do I test if my girlfriend is attracted to me?
To test if your girlfriend is attracted to you, observe her body language and behavior. Does she initiate physical touch, maintain eye contact, or flirt with you? Notice if she compliments you, engages in deep conversations, and shows interest in spending quality time together. You can also gently initiate intimacy or flirtation to gauge her response. Open communication about feelings and attraction is the most direct and effective approach.
Key Pointers
- Lack of sexual attraction from your girlfriend can be worrisome because it can be a manifestation of her changing feelings toward you
- Some of the signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you include reduced sexual activity, avoiding intimacy, never initiating intimacy, lack of flirtation, a need for space, and no interest in experimentation
- The issue can be resolved through open communication, patience, and understanding
- Seeking professional help to identify the root cause of trouble and find ways to rekindle the spark can also prove beneficial
Final Thoughts
As heartbreaking as signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you can be, they don’t have to mean the end of the road for your relationship. If you love your girlfriend and value the bond you share with her, you can find a way to reconnect with her and rekindle the spark.
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