I’m on a mission to help women see the truth about the dating reality. So many women spill their guts to me about the time they’ve wasted on the wrong person for them. They have a difficult time knowing when to cut someone loose and move on, and when to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I’m going to make it easy for you by sharing three scenarios when, time and time again, I see women get fooled about a potential lover’s interest. It’ll help you identify if your patience is worth it, or if they’re not that into you, and you’re making excuses for their bad behavior. If you run into these situations in the future, you’ll remember how to avoid investing your hope and time in the wrong one for you.
Here are things men don’t realize they do that make great women drop them:
1. He’s always really busy
You connect with someone and the date goes well. You could tell they had a good time, just like you did. After the first date, they will text you and call you on occasion. Then they get really busy at work so you haven’t seen them since. That’s okay, you tell yourself; texting is a lot of fun.
They text something sweet in the morning, sometimes during the day, and again at night, you feel like you’re getting to know them as the weeks go by. You tell yourself it’s obvious they like you. Why else would they spend all this time texting you, right?
This is where the fantasy begins. Based on the virtual conversations you have, or even on the phone, you start to interpret their contact as strong evidence they’re into you for a deeper relationship.
You might find yourself falling in love and thinking about them throughout the day. You spend time daydreaming about what the future holds for the two of you.
Your wake-up call here is that if a love interest is genuinely into getting to know you, they’ll make time to see you. Dates are meant to promote closeness, as research from 2021 states, and allow you two to get to know each other.
I realize that’s hard to accept, but the truth is some people enjoy texting without pursuing a more intimate relationship, and they’re probably conversing with several people along with you. It’s fun.
However, and more importantly, for someone looking for a love interest, it’s a waste of your precious time. They probably aren’t interested in the same type of relationship as you are, or they might be stringing you along.
Why they only want to text doesn’t matter. The actions they take are what count most toward proving their interest. If they’re not happily and regularly making time to see you, they’re not the right one for you. Period.
The right one for you wants to spend time with you. They want to see you in the flesh and have ample opportunity to kiss your pretty lips.
They would never hide from you or make excuses about how busy they are. When a person is serious about you, they’ll move heaven and earth to spend time with you.
2. He’s hot and cold about how serious he wants to be
Vera Arsic / Pexels
On the first date, they tell you point-blank, “I’m not looking for a relationship or anything serious”, and then they move on to chatting and having a fun conversation while looking into your eyes and making you laugh.
It feels good to laugh and hold their attention on you, so you somehow conveniently forget they ever told you they don’t want what you want — a committed relationship. Your wake-up call here is, you want to believe, “They don’t mean that about me.”
The fantasy begins. You don’t take them at their word and this is one instance when you really should. They told you their dating agenda is casual, not serious.
No matter how much interest they show, they aren’t looking for a lasting relationship. I’ve seen this happen with my clients over and over again. You’re wasting your time here. Let this fantasy go.
3. He only pays attention to you in group settings
When you hang out with a group of friends, there’s one person who always pays you a lot of attention when everyone is together. Yet, you never hear from them in between. Maybe they message you on social media, or like one of your photos.
They might text on occasion. But they don’t ask you out which confuses you. Women often make excuses for a person like this. You tell yourself, “They’re shy” or “They’re busy.” These excuses satisfy you for a while as the fantasy grows and you put all your eggs in someone else’s basket.
You wonder about them and then they will finally start dating you regularly. They must like you because every time you see them with your group of mutual friends, they’re practically all over you.
Your wake-up call: Once again, this is an illusion. When a person is genuinely interested, they’ll ask you out. Even a shy person knows what to do if they truly want to see you. A person with sincere romantic interest wants to see you alone, so if they’re not making the move, then they’re not that into you. Determine their interest based on their effort to see you.
Do they ask you out? Do they spend time with you regularly, at the very least once a week, in the beginning? If it’s anything less, you’re living the fantasy, and probably deluding yourself.
Following this empowering dating advice will help you to stop deluding yourself while hoping and wasting time on relationships that are merely an illusion and going nowhere. hard
The good news is. you are freed up to find a person who wants what you want — a lasting, loving relationship. Don’t accept crumbs when you want the real thing.
Move on today and go find the right one for you. Moving on is hard to do, but necessary for your mental health, according to 2012 research.
Ronnie Ann Ryan is an Intuitive Coach, Past Life Reader, and author of six books. She’s the creator of the free audio course How to Ask the Universe for a Sign and Get an Answer Within 24 Hours. She’s been published on ABC, BBC, and NPR.
