Many of us have been in relationships with bad boyfriends in the past who were overconfident and too vain to care about anyone else. This makes any kind of change welcome.
And so, when you finally meet a nice guy who always brings you flowers, takes you out on nice dates, doesn’t take his eyes off you the whole time, and who keeps reminding you that he doesn’t deserve you, you’re swept off your feet. You think you might have a future together, but soon enough, this kind of care and love turns into something like a crazed infatuation where his possessive actions become overwhelming.
When dealing with an insecure partner, it’s essential to approach a relationship with empathy and understanding. Research stresses that both partners should work together to address these issues through open and honest communication, boundary setting, and the help of a professional, if necessary. His company starts feeling exhausting and, in fact, scary. There are a lot of men who are unsure about a lot of things out there, so watch out for these things that can tell you if your boyfriend is unsure of himself.
These behaviors reveal a deeply insecure man, according to research:
1. He doesn’t have any hobbies or buddies outside the relationship
He doesn’t talk about his coworkers, ‘the guys,’ and you’re the only person he chills with. Besides his job, he doesn’t pursue any other activity, except being with you or just dreaming about you when he is alone.
2. He believes you are not over your previous relationship
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For no reason at all, he firmly believes that you still love your previous partner, no matter how long it’s been since your breakup and no matter how you actually feel about them. He’s too unsure of himself to believe you can fully care for him, so he concludes that you still care for your past lover.
3. He falls in love very easily
As soon as you’ve gone on a couple of dates, he is ready to tell you that he is head over heels in love with you. Initially, you might think that this is adorable, but soon enough, you’ll realize that the intensity he claims is bizarre because you barely know each other.
4. His feelings for you feel very intense
He is convinced that nothing means more to him than you. You are the reason for his continued existence. You might feel warm and fuzzy about this in the beginning, but the sheer burden of his feelings will get to you at some point, as he will completely depend on you to keep him stable.
5. He makes you keep reaffirming your feelings
He has very little confidence in himself, so he’ll keep asking you if you love him and will be desperate for any sort of appreciation. But even when you tell him that you love him or try to compliment him, he won’t accept that you mean what you say.
Repeatedly needing reassurance and validation in a relationship can be a sign of insecurity, particularly if it’s excessive or interferes with the relationship’s dynamics. Research on attachment styles suggests that anxious individuals may be more likely to seek reassurance.
6. He’s extremely possessive of you
You hanging out with friends or colleagues, especially men, can set him off. He’ll keep messaging or calling to see what you’re up to when he is not there. You might be pleased with the attention at first but it will soon become annoying as you can’t spend time with people who make you happy.
7. He blackmails you
He’ll constantly try to make you prove your loyalty to him by pretending to end the relationship. He’ll go on about how he doesn’t feel like you truly care for him or want him. He’s hoping that you will be manipulated into pleading with him not to leave. It will get so bad that one day you will just tell him to get out.
8. He constantly complains about his previous relationships
All his stories about his old relationships will be about how none of his partners cared about him. He’ll say that they simply used him and then dumped him when someone better came along. Take all these stories with a grain of salt, otherwise, you might stay with him just because you pity him.
9. He keeps checking your social media
The moment you put up something on any of your social media accounts, he knows. And God forbid you to put up something without telling him about it first. This becomes quite ominous after a while.
10. He tries to find out who you talk to and what you’re talking about
If you’re texting, he’ll try to stand behind you and read what you’re typing. He might try to casually find out who it is, or he’ll just bluntly order you to let him check your phone. You could just be watching funny cat videos, but he’ll always be suspicious that you’re keeping some secrets.
While everyone may occasionally experience insecurity, if this behavior becomes a pattern and is accompanied by other signs, research affirms that it is worth exploring what might be driving this behavior and seeking professional guidance if needed.
11. His lavish affection is overwhelming
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It does feel good to receive extravagant presents and have your every whim fulfilled, but it will soon become overbearing. You will be forced to wonder whether he truly loves you or if he’s just trying to bribe you into staying with him.
12. He suspects you of cheating
He’s made the craziest accusations about you carrying on affairs with everyone from a random salesperson to a colleague because he fully believes that you could do much better than him.
13. He wants you with him all the time
You initially feel flattered that as soon as you leave, he’ll send a message telling you how much he wishes you were back with him. We all like to feel needed, but this can get annoying fast.
He’ll want you with him all the time, even if you have important work to do. He’ll even make you feel bad just for taking time out to do your job or hang out with friends and family.
14. His happiness is fully dependent on you
While it is important to be in tune with your partner’s needs, he will just be too needy. As long as you’re relaxed and in a good enough mood to constantly validate him, he will be happy. But if you are busy and stressed, he’ll just fall apart. You’ll always feel like you need to be happy just for him.
15. He cannot handle being told that he is wrong
Even if you mean well when you criticize him, he will take it too seriously. He is already unsure of himself, and your criticism will only make him feel that he was right about himself. If you try to address any issues you might have, he’ll just end up blaming it all on you.
Research indicates that individuals with low self-esteem and a fragile ego may struggle to accept criticism or admit mistakes because doing so can significantly damage their self-perception. Accepting they were wrong can trigger anxiety and a sense of vulnerability, prompting them to defend their position even if it’s inaccurate.
Mykh Goldstein is a writer, artist, blogger, and former contributor to The Mind’s Journal.
