So many people want to know how to get over a breakup — and fast. They want to know how to stop obsessing over their ex-boyfriend or lover and get on with their life. This topic seems to be the most asked question in my work. Here are some easy, psychology-based tips to help you get over the one who broke your heart so that you can move on, date again, and find true love.
If you can master these ten skills after, you’ll get over your ex fast:
1. Take them out of your phone contacts
Each time you pass his/her name when reviewing your contacts you will feel that pang of upset. Why put yourself through such agony? Remove any reminders of him or her in your home, car, and workplace.
Don’t feel too bad about not doing it right away either. One survey by OnePoll found that it takes the majority of people seven and a half weeks to remove pictures of an old flame.
2. Stop telling your sad story of the breakup
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Sure people want to help and give advice, but after a month you should be refraining from talking about your ex, however, the same study found it takes people two months before they stop bringing up their exes. Some talk about their ex as a way to feel close to them. As you disconnect from the pain of the romance, you can more easily move on to a better relationship.
3. Make a list of all their bad qualities
Okay, this may sound mean so you don’t have to be awful about it. Think about the things you did not have in common.
You want to convince your subconscious mind that he/she wasn’t right for you anyway. Our mind tends to exaggerate how good things were in the past so this exercise will snap you out of those romantic delusions. According to a 2018 study from The American Psychological Association, thinking negatively about your ex will help you get over them quicker.
4. Stop finding ways to run into them
Stop making excuses to drive past his/her home, work, or favorite hangout to see if the car is there or to catch a glimpse of your old flame. This behavior will keep you stuck and also destroy your self-confidence. Having low self-esteem can be detrimental to your health, and research from 2011 found that it can lead to increased anxiety and depression, and even poor academic behavior.
5. Come up with a mantra to say to yourself when you start thinking about your ex or begin to feel sad over the breakup
For example, “I deserve someone who completely loves and adores me.” Just like quitting a bad habit, a good positive mantra can be the antidote to redirect your mind into a more fulfilling romantic future. Repeating a positive mantra in the mornings can boost self-esteem, research from 2015 confirms.
6. Stop blaming yourself
If you are wondering if there was something you could have done to change your destiny, think again. When someone completely loves you, you are free to make mistakes.
If there was enough substance, the person should be fighting to keep you in their life. If not, they are not meant for you.
7. Start hanging around new people
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If your social group is connected with your ex, try to expand your circles outside of that environment. Changing up your life will help you have new positive experiences without the baggage from the past. One study from 2020 confirms that trying new experiences can make you happier.
8. Build your confidence
The reason he/she broke up with you is not about you. The best way to get over a relationship is to increase your self-love so that you know that you deserve so much more than what your ex had to offer you. By having high self-esteem, you’ll have better mental health and even improved relationships, 2023 research confirms.
Using self-hypnosis is a great way to retrain your mind to love and accept yourself. Embracing your true lovable self will make you more attractive to the opposite gender.
9. Make a list of what you want in a relationship
You may have attracted the last person by default. Setting an intention to consciously attract someone who is a better fit is very powerful. You will find the person you design in your mind may be much different than your ex-love.
10. Visualize yourself happy
Spend at least ten minutes every day visualizing yourself happy in love with someone new. This may not be easy at first and might bring up some tears but keep practicing this technique.
Over time you will find this gives you a sense of inner peace and builds hope that you will find the love you truly deserve. Visualization is a powerful tool for getting what you want, a study from 2016 confirms.
Debi Maldonado is the CEO of CreativeMind, a personal development company. She has been featured by ABC News, FOX News, NBC News, Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, Publisher’s Weekly, and more.
