Sex with the ex, sounds tempting right?
It’s quite common to find yourself saying ‘I want to have sex with my ex’ after a breakup.
Your sexual attraction for your ex might still be there. And we all know what makeup sex feels like! Trust me, you’re not alone.
However, having sex with the ex might not be the best idea.
If you came here thinking about sleeping with your ex, it’s a good time to weigh the pros and cons before you make your conclusion.
You might have been working hard to get over your breakup, so giving in to your temptation might cost you.
Let’s explore when it’s a really bad idea to sleep with your ex among other different scenarios.
When sleeping with your ex is a big no-no
Some people might say that sleeping with an ex is acceptable in some cases. While others think you should avoid it like the plague.
We have listed the below circumstances where sleeping with your ex is not a good idea:
- Sleeping with an ex-boyfriend who has a girlfriend
- Sleeping with an ex you still love after a breakup
- If your ex wants sex but not a relationship
- If you keep thinking about your ex sexually but don’t want a relationship
- Sleeping with an ex who was toxic for you
Sleeping with an ex you still love
Sleeping with an ex you still love might not be a smart move. As you can imagine, this might complicate things for you even more.
It’s easy to fool yourself and justify why you want to have sex with your ex. Perhaps you might say to yourself that having sex with my ex is harmless and that you are just doing it for sexual pleasure.
Are you being fully honest with yourself when making this statement?
Doing some inner reflection can help you identify what might be making you want to sleep with your ex after your breakup.
Try to think and answer these 3 questions as honestly as possible:
- Do you really want to hook up with your ex or is it a desire for an emotional reconnection?
- How will you feel after having sex with your ex? Do you think you will regret it?
- Will this help you move forward or will it make things more confusing and difficult?
Reflecting on these questions will help you make a well-thought decision rather than acting impulsively. This can save you from a lot of pain and emotional suffering especially if you are in a place where you can’t stop thinking about your ex.
If you cannot stop thinking about hooking up with an ex, it means that you are still attached and you need to work on healing yourself so you can move forward with your life.
When your ex wants sex but not a relationship
If you have expressed your interest in sleeping with your ex, ask yourself whether your ex wants only sex but not a relationship? If your ex is only interested in having sex with you, it’s not in your best interest if you are still in love.
Sleeping with your ex in this case will hinder your healing process and set you back. This might be a way to avoid the grief and pain of the breakup.
Having sex with your ex can be a distraction from the pain of the loss of your relationship. If you end up having sex with your ex, you are postponing the closure that you need to be able to heal, adjust, and move forward with your life.
Factors to think about before sleeping with your ex:
If you keep thinking about your ex sexually, ask yourself the following questions before you make your move:
- Why do you actually want to have sex with your ex after your breakup?
- What needs will be met if you sleep with your ex?
- Is hooking up with your ex in your best interest?
- Does your ex want to have sex with you?
- Are you okay with just having sex with your ex but not a relationship?
- What triggers you to have sex with your ex-boyfriend?
- How will you feel after having sex with your ex-husband?
Do guys think about their exes sexually?
It’s quite common that people keep thinking about their ex sexually and there’s no exception for guys.
It’s completely natural for guys to keep thinking about their exes sexually. The reasons might vary depending on the individual. It might be that guys think about their exes sexually due to the good memories they have.
It’s important to note that just because guys think about their exes sexually doesn’t mean that it’s a good enough reason to do it. This depends on the state of the relationship. So if you receive a message from your ex-boyfriend asking you to have sex, it might be that he wants just that.
If you are comfortable with having sex with your ex and not a relationship, then there’s no harm in that. You can give it a try and see how it goes. If after you slept with your ex you start feeling uncomfortable, you should let him know and refrain from doing it again.
Some guys might also want to have sex with their ex even if they have a new girlfriend and are in a relationship. As we mentioned earlier, sleeping with your ex-boyfriend if he has a girlfriend is never a good idea so STAY AWAY!
How to heal if you keep thinking about your ex sexually
If you keep thinking about your ex sexually, it is usually a strong indication that you are still attached to them and that you haven’t healed from the breakup. Most often, people end up giving in to their temptation and expressing their interest in sleeping with their ex.
Being scared to start dating might be the reason why you keep thinking about your ex sexually. Having sex with your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband will feel familiar and therefore safer for you. However, sleeping with your ex is not a good enough reason to fulfill your sexual needs.
Take your time to heal, focus on yourself and when you feel comfortable, get back into the dating scene. You don’t need to rush into anything, give yourself time to get to know new people and build new social networks. When you feel comfortable, you can start having new sexual experiences with new sexual partners without putting your emotional well-being on the edge.
Recovery tips to stop thinking about your ex sexually
Getting over a breakup is not easy! It’s messy, painful, and can take quite some time until you adjust yourself and adapt. You might find yourself going back and forth, and doubting whether you have made the right decision or not.
The process of healing can be even more confusing if your ex keeps trying to contact you. You might find yourself asking ‘why does my ex-husband want to sleep with me?’ For many people, having sex with their ex can seem quite thrilling and exciting. But unfortunately, it can be just that…
Below you can find a few powerful recovery tips which will help you move on from your breakup:
- The No Contact Rule! – going no contact is extremely important if you want to move on from your ex. Having sex with an ex is a BIG NO-NO in this case.
- List the Pros and Cons – making a list of the pros and cons of the relationship will help you remember why you broke up in the first place. Perhaps the sex was the best part of your relationship but you weren’t aligned on anything else.
- Practice Self-Care – this step is essential in healing and recovering from a breakup. Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually will help you feel better about yourself and boost your self-confidence.
- Socializing – whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, surrounding yourself with friends and family that uplift you is a vital step that will help you recover and feel good about yourself. We are naturally social beings so socializing will definitely help you get your mind off hooking up with your ex.
- Get Back Out There – starting to date after a breakup can be intimidating. There’s no rush in doing this, however, you cannot stay hiding forever. If you find it difficult to meet new people you can try dating apps which can be quite exciting. It can boost your self-confidence and make you feel flattered!
Why does an old flame contact you?
You might have been contacted by your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend and wondering whether it’s a good idea to give it another shot.
Or you could be scared to have sex with your ex-husband as it might reignite some feelings especially if years went by. So why does an old flame contact you exactly? Could your relationship work if you both worked on yourselves?
It could be that your ex-husband wants to sleep with you because he misses you and would like to work things out.
If you had a toxic relationship, the best would be to move forward and never look backward. The chances are that your ex-husband wants to sleep with you but doesn’t want to have a relationship.
But if you think that you might be able to work things out, getting back with an old flame might not be the end of the world. Look at Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck for example, the two have reunited and are more in love than ever!
Getting back together with your ex
In certain situations, having sex with an old flame could be acceptable but there are some factors which you need to take into consideration. Deciding to have sex with your ex should be a conscious mature decision rather than an impulsive one.
Some people find it easier to move on by casually having sex with each other, with no strings attached. Instead of suddenly disconnecting from each other, it could be a way of gradually moving forward and adjusting to their new lives.
Moreover, in some cases, sleeping with an ex might lead to getting back together and working things out. Sometimes, couples end up fighting over nuances that can be resolved with some cooperation from both parties. In certain situations, sleeping with an ex helps them realize that they are still in love with each other and are still passionate about one another.
If the fire is still burning, a couple might realize that their relationship is not worth giving up, and they might be motivated to work on their relationship. In this case, if both parties consciously decide on sleeping together while trying to resolve their issues, having sex with an ex might be fruitful.
Things to consider before hooking up with an ex-boyfriend or ex-husband
If your ex-boyfriend has been messaging and saying he’s missing you, you might be thinking of getting back together. Before making any decisions, think about whether getting back together is the best option for your personal growth and emotional wellbeing.
There are 3 questions for you to think about before hooking up with an ex:
- Can the previous issues which led to your breakup be resolved?
- Do you think you can reach a compromise and work on the relationship?
- Is it in your best interest to reconcile with your ex?
If you answered yes to the above questions, getting back together and working on your relationship might be worth a shot. When you start sleeping with your ex, focus on connecting deeply with each other, rather than having sex for sexual and physical pleasure.
When you have sex with someone based on a deeper connection and based on love rather than lust, you build a stronger relationship and a stronger bond together which will strengthen your relationship.
After reflecting on the pros and cons of getting back together with your ex, if you have decided to go for it, try to build up the courage to communicate your desire. Suggest that you meet to catch up and see the response. Making yourself too available is not recommended as you do want to make him miss you.
Test the waters and see how it goes before jumping to any conclusions. If both of you recognize that your relationship is worth some extra effort to get over your issues, then getting back together and sleeping with your ex would be worth it!
