One of the most complex parts of dating is maintaining the attraction and interest long-term. Mastering uncomfortable conversations and situations is one skill you’ll need to develop for a lasting, loving partnership.
Being your authentic self without self-sabotaging leaves the opportunity that you may eventually meet an ideal match for you. Before we share the perfect script to avoid if you plan to nurture a loving relationship, it’s important to remember that no woman needs to change who she is to avoid these mistakes.
Women who make these six mistakes often have trouble holding onto a man:
1. Blaming him for most things
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Women may be more likely to blame their male partners due to a combination of factors, including social conditioning, communication styles, the perception of power dynamics in relationships, and the tendency to internalize stress, which can lead to projecting blame onto the partner as a coping mechanism. However, it’s important to remember that this is not a universal truth, and individual experiences vary greatly, according to a study published in the Journal of Self and Identity.
2. Picking a fight with him
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It’s unacceptable to look for every little thing he does that annoys you to blow up. When women pick fights, it can stem from a complex mix of emotions like anger, hurt, fear of abandonment, a desire for control, poor communication skills, unresolved issues within the relationship, and sometimes even underlying attachment issues, all of which can manifest as conflict-seeking behavior during stressful times.
However, according to a 2014 study, it’s important to remember that these dynamics are not solely gendered and can apply to anyone in a similar situation.
3. Letting a bad relationship drag on
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Many people fear moving on concerned that they won’t find anyone else. Realizing you don’t want to be with someone any longer doesn’t make you a bad person. But letting things just drag on because you don’t know how to end it, or don’t want to be alone again is not doing either of you any favors.
You may be afraid that being single is going to be worse than the relationship you’re in. The truth is you’re only delaying your happiness and making the two of you miserable. It’s better to rip off the band-aid and focus on healing your heart so that you can be prepared to meet your soulmate.
4. Ghosting him
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A person who ghosts is immature, selfish, and insensitive — you don’t want to be this person. Besides, you’ll feel terrible about yourself knowing that you took a cowardly way out of the situation. You’re also setting yourself up for bad karma points when it comes to lasting love.
A 2023 study published by the Journal of Telematic and Informatics found that women might ghost due to a fear of conflict, difficulty processing emotions, an avoidant attachment style, a desire to minimize discomfort, and sometimes, underlying personality traits like narcissism, particularly when experiencing high levels of anxiety or insecurity in a relationship. However, it’s important to remember that ghosting behavior isn’t gender-specific and can be exhibited by anyone regardless of gender.
5. Offering friendship as a consolation prize for your love
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Ask yourself, in the future when you are with your soulmate are you going to call this guy up and see if he wants to see a movie with the two of you or join you for dinner? That is what you would do with a friend. (Insert emphatic “No way!” right here.) You likely didn’t start dating him to add to your friendship collection — so don’t offer that as a consolation prize, it’s cruel.
According to research published in The Journal of Personal Relationships, women may offer friendship during a breakup for a variety of reasons, including a desire for emotional security, practical considerations like maintaining a social network, a sense of civility, or unresolved romantic feelings, with the latter often causing complications in the potential friendship. It’s important to remember that individual motivations can vary greatly, and not all women will seek to remain friends with an ex after a breakup.
6. Making him earn your love and affection
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Allowing him to twist into a pretzel to earn your love and affection is cruel. Perhaps you do like him somewhat but want him to change. He may like you enough to promise anything to stay together. If you allow him to dig into the details of what is wrong, you’ll open the door to negotiate to stay together, even if you’re not fully feeling it. Then you’re just going to regret the time you’ve wasted allowing the relationship to drag on.
If you can’t accept him as he is, then he is not the man for you. And if he’s twisting into a pretzel to get you to be with him, then he’s going to end up feeling angry and resentful towards you.
Through the dating process, it’s expected that you’ll discover some people are not a match for you — find the people who are.
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” They’re the authors of the free ebook, “7 Steps To Soulmating.”
